Dreaming With A Broken Heart
by Mia.Rose.777
Summary: Song-Fic Short - Angsty - That pretty much sums it up. Rating is just to be safe, adult situations implicated.


A/N:  
I have to admit it's pretty angsty... but I hope you like it anyways. This idea has been in my head since the first time I've heard the song, so I wrote it today on my lunch break.  
BTW, I have a lot of song-fics stored up, so consider this your official warning.  
And if you haven't heard the song you should go look it up on youtube... its beautiful.  
Thanks... Mia

* * *

_**"Dreaming With A Broken Heart" by John Mayer**__  
_

I surfaced through the layers of a fitful sleep against my will.

Sleep that had been filled with perfect dreams, images I knew wouldn't come true, but I fought to keep them with me longer… even calling out her name in my desperation. They faded, like they always do, and only then did I open my eyes feeling the familiar heavy weight in my chest.

Something wasn't right… but I knew nothing would ever be right again.

Once again I experienced the torturous first moments of a new morning; the awareness of once again waking up alone and without her soft curves draped over my chest and her long legs wrapped with mine. Nothing compared to the stabbing ache in my heart and the feeling of absolute lonliness when my dreams were shattered in the soft morning light. In those mocking rays my infamous strength deserted me, because what no one else knew was that I was _nothing_ without her, had _never_ been anything without her, had become the man I was now _because_ of her…  
and now she was gone.

_**When you're dreaming with a broken heart  
The waking up is the hardest part  
You roll outta bed and down on your knees  
And for the moment you can hardly breathe  
Wondering was she really here?  
Is she standing in my room?  
No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone...**_

I slowly sat up on the edge of the bed, the force of the ache causing my breaths to struggle out, but I didn't make a move to get up yet. Today would be a day I wouldn't leave this room, because more than anywhere else, this room held her presence and the perfect memories of our short time together.  
The sheets that she reveled in, the feeling of being inside of her, wrapped in my arms, the pure love that was shared.  
It was all here, held in suspension, waiting for her return.

In my minds eye I could still see her clearly as she had appeared in my dreams… dressed in one of my black shirts, hair tousled, mischievous smile gracing her beautiful face, and her expressive sapphire eyes locked on mine with the promise of pleasures to come.

Remembering, I staggered to remove myself from the bed that I had woken up alone in, but the strength of my renewed grief dropped me instantly to my knees. I squeezed my eyes shut, drawing up the image that appeared in my dreams. She never changed when I saw her, no matter if I was frantically calling out to her or staring in wonderment, she simply came to comfort me. I had seen her in that exact state so many times in the past, it had seemed so real, but looking around me at the empty room, glancing at the empty bed feet from my face, I knew once again my dreams had deceived me.

No matter how many days I went through this same routine, I craved her taking me in my dreams, refusing to give up the moments of pleasure I felt looking at her again for the hours of pain I would endure when I woke.

_**When you're dreaming with a broken heart  
The giving up is the hardest part  
She takes you in with your crying eyes  
Then all at once you have to say goodbye  
Wondering could you stay my love?  
Will you wake up by my side?  
No she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone...**_

She would never be with me again… would never be in my bed, would never be in my arms, would never crawl over my chest in her sleep, would never touch my lips with her own, would never roll her eyes in sarcasm, would never blush at one of my flirtatious comments, would never allow me kisses in the alley... because she was gone.

Except in my dreams.

I held onto that life line knowledge.  
The new realization every morning that my dreams had been nothing more than dreams stabbed my heart, again and again – morning after morning. But I welcomed the pain because she didn't deserve the numb feeling I knew would come in its stead.  
My unconscious visits from her were all I had and I fought to keep them as long as possible, grasping onto sleep like I grasped onto the pain.

I stumbled to the nightstand and reached for the bottle of prescription pills that were already close to empty. In the wake of anguish, it had been simple to excuse my need for the sleeping pills and therefore easy to obtain, but no one knew the real reason I needed them.  
It wasn't only my ability to not fall asleep… it was my final desperate attempt to have her back.

I ignored everyone's warnings to be careful, to not let myself get out of control with them, but they didn't understand the pain that consciousness held.

In sleep, in my dreams, she was with me again.

It was my only salvation, my only option, and the only way I managed to continue breathing. I didn't bother to count out a number of pills, just swallowed them and collapsed on the bed to wait for sleep.

_**Now do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand  
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?  
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?  
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?  
Baby won't you get them if i did?  
No you won't, 'cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone...**_

I smiled as I felt myself relaxing into sleep, waiting for my dreams, ignoring the pain I knew I would feel when… or _if_… I woke up again.

I told myself she would know, that she would understand the gesture of giving her every minute I could… no matter what the cost.

She would understand there was no price for what we give each other.

_**When you're dreaming with a broken heart  
The waking up is the hardest part**_


End file.
